The quintessential Virgo, I like order. My house is straight, my desk free of clutter, and nothing in my refrigerator is past its expiration date. Order gives me the illusion of control; when things are in order I feel all is right with the world.
For the past few weeks, my life has felt chaotic. Despite my best efforts, I can’t seem to bring order into life.
I shared my discomfort with a girlfriend. “Take a chill pill, Randy,” she candidly counseled. “You are going through change, and with change comes confusion; it’s a normal part of growth.”
I read once that in science chaos doesn’t mean disorder and confusion. Rather it is the path that leads to growth and evolution. In our lives, chaos doesn’t mean a lack of order and organization; it simply means that perhaps we aren’t ready yet to understand where our lives are headed.
Howard Hanger, rector of “Jubilee!” an alternative church that I once attended in Asheville, has this to say about chaos, “A predictable life of pure order is utterly impossible, not to mention dreadfully boring. Likewise, a life of pure chaos is hard to take. But if the chaos theory is true — or even partly true — it means that all the crazy, unexplainable things happening in your life may be just what it takes to move your butt to a certain place.”
Remembering Howard’s wise words, I take a deep breath and settle into my discomfort. I can now accept it, knowing that if my life doesn’t have at least a little chaos, I am not evolving.